Hi Craig,
Thanks for your response , I really do appreciate you sharing your thought and words and i guess in my search for an answer your reasoning does appeal to me. I really dont know what i am looking for i guess. I like the idea of spiritualism, but i guess i am selfish in the sense that i still have to go thru this life without her. Maybe more that the fact that i truely loved her and would have done anything to protect her from the things she went thru, on a more basic level, on a more selfish level i guess, all i do is grieve from the fact that my life is deprived of her presence. I am just starting to explore the after life for her sake. I never felt the need to do this before, even though my mom died a couple of year ago.
The more i try to figure out thing the more confusing it gets. I mean i am trying to figure out what it all means, isnt that a little crazy..i mean i have an academic mind, with a masters in Comp Sc. And i know that there is no way to comprehend knowledge all at once. I went thru years trying to figure out the meaning of something only at the end understanding that it was a whole new way of looking at thing to really comprehend something.
I dont mean to question your answers. I know you probably look at things from a more knowledgeable way and i dont mean to imply that my grief is more intense that anyone else's. I just cant seem to comprehend why it was the way it was..There are times when i think back on what i wanted from life and my discussions with god when i felt i had control of my life..
Anyway i hope you understand that i may not really understand or accept your answers.. Maybe be because it s her and i cant settle on faith to know she s ok.. I would rather spend my whole life being miserable, assuming that the worst happened to her, and in this way keeping her company.
All in all,i have been looking to find answers and your reasoning and logic have appealed to me and i will keep on searching.

Thanks once again,
you really did comfort me for a while and i havent yet given up on her.

Gaurav