Hey Lisa.

It's a matter of semantics, let's look at wikipedia definition of selfishness: "Selfishness denotes an excessive or exclusive concern with oneself; and as such it exceeds mere self interest or self concern. In that it necessarily connotes a disregard for others, it is beyond the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others (self interest)."

When you're helping someone do you always think of how amazing it will make you feel, using it as a drug? Think of friendship where you really care how the other person is and their happiness increases yours; it's being shared and multiplied. We wouldn't call that selfishness I think, even though happiness you give is being returned. Selfishness is disregard for others and would mean that you go and get your pleasures stepping over bodies, so to speak.

So, for example, not doing something you'd like to because it'd hurt someone is unselfish. There is such a thing as genuine care and compassion for others, not just because it would make us feel terribly nice about ourselves.

Hope this rant makes some sense :)