Hi Sue,

You wrote, "It could be possible the person has a personality problem not diagnosed which makes them act in this way."

Yes, in a sense, anything someone does that separates him or her from others is a personality problem, meaning it's an artifact of the physical realm. The direction of our eternal, spiritual lives is toward becoming more intimate and loving by eradicating the barriers that separate us. Humankind, in a sense, now has a personality problem because people in general see themselves as separate, looking out for themselves, and not responsible for or inclined to care for others. That's the personality problem.

Anger is simply a strong demonstration of the messages, "I withdraw my love and caring from you," "I have little regard for you," and "I matter, but you're not important." We react to it with hurt feelings, the feeling our worth is being attacked, and the normal unhappiness when someone withdraws their love. Anger is simply a strong demonstration of separation, and that's why we react to it as badly as we do.

When the feelings a person has aren't directed at withdrawing from us, we use other words for them. "He's upset," or "He feels bad," or "He's frustrated." These feelings all originate from the same sources inside the person, but they're self-directed, not other-directed. Anger is directed toward someone else, and the message is "I don't love you." That's what causes the problem for us.

Inside the angry person is a little boy or girl who's scared. It's really difficult to know what the scare is. It likely came from the time when that adult really was a little boy or girl and people withdrew their love and regard in some way. They abandoned them, or they said harsh words to them continually, conveying the message, "You're unlovable." Or some other events. But the message was, "I withdraw my love from you." Now, to avoid getting those messages again, that person may preemptively push other people away. Or they may have anger toward that adult who separated himself or herself and that anger is coming out toward other people now. The little boy or girl inside doesn't understand that; they're just frightened, hurt, and craving the feeling of closeness and regard they didn't get.

And when they have those feelings, they use strategies to cope with them that they learned as the little boy or girl. Dad shouted angry words at Mom, so when I feel my wife is withdrawing her love from me, I get scared and do what Dad did. I shout angry words. The strategies for coping with these feelings are most often learned from seeing others use them. The abused become the abusers.

So what all this means is that you're having trouble coping with this angry person because the anger says to you, "I don't love you," "I don't regard you as having any worth," and "I withdraw from you." That's why it hurts, and that's why it's difficult to cope with them.

To counter that, you'll need to separate your own feelings from the confrontations. That's really difficult, because we were taught from childhood that when someone displays anger, they are telling you you're not lovable, they don't love you, and you're worthless. Our little boy or girl reacts to that separation. If we hadn't learned that, we wouldn't react as we do, but we learned it very early.

So if you can feel that your worth and your feeling of being loved are unshaken when that person tells you your worthless and unlovable by being angry, you won't have the hurt feelings. Keep telling yourself, "It's not me. Those feelings aren't directed at me, even though they're being conveyed as though they were. They're the scared little boy or girl being angry with Mom, and I'm just a woman who's handy to get them." And realize this is a grown man, but the scare and pushing away are the little boy's feelings and actions. Feel for the little boy who's cowering in a dark corner even though the adult man is shouting offensive words.

That's difficult, but it will begin to give you a perspective. You might practice it in your mind. See him being angry, and see behind it the little boy while you realize you're OK and important, regardless of the words and the pushing away. Envision his little boy. When he's then being angry, let your mind go to seeing that little boy, and to seeing yourself separate from what he's saying and doing.

You wrote, "I worry I may be failing to help someone who needs my help and therefore not confronting the tests i need to in life. I recognize that I am not a perfect person and it is wrong to judge."

Don't be so harsh on yourself. The spiritual person you are, who is learning lessons, is the person who feels the compassion. What you do in the physical realm has nothing to do with your spirituality. Who you ARE is spiritual, not what you DO. You already feel the compassion. That's who you are. What you would like to do because of your spiritual feelings can be suppressed because of forces in the physical realm, such as the onslaught of words and actions that push you away. You do the best you can, but just as you shouldn't judge someone else, you shouldn't judge yourself. What you do in the physical realm is of no consequence. You will do what you can because of whom you are in spirit, as a natural consequence. You do the best you can, and that's an A+ in Earth school's lessons. Your compassion is what lives eternally, not the events in the physical realm.

You asked, "Will this anger accompany the person into the afterlife."

Yes. This person will be exactly the same an hour after the death transition as an hour before it. And to grow out of the scares that result in pushing people away will take time, just as it does on the Earth plane. But he will grow to understand the scares and let the love and compassion that is his natural, normal character come through. It will just take time.

You wrote, "They are full of self righteous indignation, seem to lack compassion for others and yet claim to be spiritually evolved."

Yes, the religions have lost their substance that was taught by the luminaries such as Buddha and Yeshua (Jesus). Now they're just empty shells, teaching people they can do things in the physical realm to win merit badges of spirituality. Nothing in the physical realm is spiritual. Who we ARE is spiritual. Yeshua said "A good tree bears good fruit. A bad tree bears bad fruit." The fruit is the actions in the physical realm. But the tree is the person in the spiritual realm. Religions tell people all they have to do is decorate their lives with artificial fruit that looks good, but is wax and plastic. They disregard the tree in the spiritual realm, that is misshapen and diseased. Growing a good spiritual tree, the love and compassion they feel in their hearts, is what religions should be helping people do. But they aren't, so people can feel they're "spiritual" because they've decorated their lives with plastic and wax fruit, but inside, they're misshapen and diseased. Carl Jung wrote that religion is a defense mechanism against having a religious experience. Unfortunately, religions thwart spiritual growth by giving a false sense of security with religiosity in the physical realm.

Love and peace, Craig